Stress less for better sex

I found a great article on keeping your sex life active when stress is in control! 

If only there were a candlelit bubble bath and a cup of tea waiting for us after a long day of work. Unfortunately, it's more likely that we're welcomed home by a to-do list that includes paying bills, food shopping and house cleaning, among other things.


And let's face it, when you're lying awake at night worrying about juggling it all, the last thing you probably feel like doing is being intimate with your partner.

One of the first studies to look at the relationship between stress and sex found that there are three types of stress that can affect life in the bedroom:
• Internal stress: Conflicts and tensions between a couple
• External stress: Work, finances, kids and family issues
• Critical stress: Unemployment, death of a loved one, serious illness

But interestingly, researchers found that internal stress is the major reason why women experience low or diminished desire. This means that while trying relaxation techniques, like deep breathing, may help you feel less stressed overall, they won't be much help pumping up the passion.

Instead, you need to work on your relationship. Maybe you and your partner are trying to get pregnant. Suddenly, sex has turned into something on the to-do list instead of something on the want-to-do list. This can create tension between you two, which, in turn, further dampens your ardor. Or maybe your partner was laid off because of the recession. You're trying to be supportive, but your partner has totally shut down and you feel shut out.

While some relationship problems, such as cheating, physical or emotional abuse, and substance abuse require professional help, many can be remedied with some attitude readjustment.
Here are 10 suggestions for rediscovering the lovers you once were.

1. Make a list. Learn about yourself and what brings you sensual and sexual pleasure. Tell your partner exactly what you like in bed. For instance, if there's a move or position you really love but haven't tried in years, try it the next chance you get.
2. Make another list—for your partner. Include all the things that get you in the mood. It could be as simple as having your partner put the kids to bed and clean the kitchen after dinner so you can have some downtime or as complex as the both of you learning to communicate feelings so you can feel closer emotionally.
3. Learn to play. Other than a board game or a game of catch with your kids, when was the last time you played with your partner? Have the two of you ever played? Well, now is the time. Try a round of golf in which you get a kiss for every stroke. Or feed each other your favorite foods: try licking whipped cream off each other's bodies or substitute some other pleasurable treat.
   
   Read the rest here: http://www.sexandahealthieryou.org/sex-health/less-stress-better-sex.html
   

The Sexual Response Cycle

 The sexual response cycle describes what changes the body undergoes as it becomes aroused. It is an individualized process; everyone experiences the cycle differently, although almost all people go through a similar process. It is important to note that the cycle takes place during any sexual activity where a person becomes aroused—masturbation, intercourse, manual stimulation by a partner, oral sex, fantasy, and more.

Over the years, researchers have explored the sexual response cycles of men and women. There are two popular sexual response cycles: Masters and Johnson’s Four Phase Model and Kaplan’s Three Phase Model.

I will say that while most people go through some cycle of the below phases, I don't think one is right and the other wrong.  I also don't think that you can say everyone goes through these phases and if you don't then you have a dysfunction; which is what both of these models say.  I have issues with the term sexual dysfuntion, but that's a whole different blog post. 

Basically, this is kinda what your body is going through when you get aroused and I think it's important for people to understand both of these models. 

Masters and Johnson’s Four Phase Model
Masters and Johnson are perhaps the famous for their sexual response cycle, s tarting their research in 1958. They were under fire several times for "exaggerating the benefits of their intensive treatment program and with failing to disclose the criteria they used to determine whether the therapy had a lasting effect. (NYTimes." The Masters and Johnson Institute opened in 1978 and was located in St. Louis.  Opened to study human sexuality, focusing on anatomy and physiology of the humans sexual response cycle, the institute closed in 1994. The duo is famous for inserting small cameras into the vagina of prostitutes and filming what happens to the vagina when a woman has an orgasm.    

Excitement
The first of the phases, excitement can last anywhere from less than a minute to several hours. There is also an increase in heart rate and blood pressure. Typically, the sexual organs, including the clitoris, labia, and breasts, become engorged with blood (vasocongestion) and often become a deeper color. Lubrication is usually produced in the vagina during the excitement phase.

Plateau
The plateau phase is generally short in length (a few seconds to a few minutes) and the sexual tension that started in the excitement phase continues to grow. Extending the plateau phase sometimes can lead to more intense orgasms. Everything that occurred during the excitement phase continues to occur, but with more intensity—breathing becomes heavier, the sexual organs become a dark color, heart rate and blood pressure continue to rise, and muscle tension increases.

Orgasm
The orgasm phase is the shortest phase of the sexual response cycle, generally only lasting several seconds. Women do not always enter into the orgasm phase; sometimes they stay in the plateau phase. Most women experience rhythmic muscle contractions during the orgasm phase, which can occur in the genitals, as well as all over the body.

Resolution
The resolution phase is the final stage to the sexual response cycle. During the resolution phase, all sexual organs return to their non-aroused shape, size, and color. This change begins immediately after orgasm as long as there is no additional stimulation. The amount of time it takes for a person’s sexual organs to return to their non-aroused state varies between individuals.

Kaplan’s Three Phase Model
 Helen Singer Kaplan modified the Masters and Johnson sexual response cycle based on her work treating sexual dysfunction problems in men and women. Dr. Kaplan added a prior stage of sexual desire and eliminated the resolution and plateau phases.  (see Kaplan, Dr. Helen Singer). 

Desire
A unique stage to this model is the desire phase; most other sexual response cycles do not include this phase. In the desire phase, it is assumed that people want to engage in sexual activity; that they desire the activity and/or another person. Not all sexual activity is desired, though. For example, a couple trying to conceive a child may have sex even if they do not desire the activity.

Excitement
The first of the phases, excitement can last anywhere from less than a minute to several hours. Myotonia, which is categorized by increased muscle tension and flexing and contractions of the muscles, occurs during the excitement phase. There is also an increase in heart rate and blood pressure. Typically, the sexual organs become engorged with blood (vasocongestion), including the clitoris, labia, and breasts, and often become a deeper color. Lubrication is usually produced in the vagina during the excitement phase.

Orgasm
The orgasm phase is the shortest phase of the sexual response cycle, generally only lasting a few seconds. Most women experience rhythmic muscle contractions during the orgasm phase. It is not unusual for people to pass back and forth between phases or for people to miss a phase. Not everyone follows the sexual response cycle exactly as is shown here. It is also common for  people to experience the cycle differently each time they engage in sexual activity. The sexual response cycle simply serves as a model to help to understand the variety of sexual responses that people may experience.

Frustrated with your two minute man?

This past weekend at several of my customers asked questions about how their male partner can last longer in bed.  This is a common problem I hear about several times a week at my parties.  I thought I would post a great article from Patty Brisben, CEO & founder of Pure Romance with some tips on how to help your man last longer in  bed.  Enjoy!
 

It’s time for you to stop watching the clock and get back to what is real! But I do understand that for some, lasting longer in the bedroom is a concern. Time and time again I’ve heard from men who have said they wished they could last longer in the bedroom. To these questions, I’ve always given the same response: it’s not about duration, it’s about quality! In fact, I can think of nothing worse than if both parties are watching the clock like they’re out to set some kind of Olympic world record instead of focusing on what’s really important—sharing an intimate experience together.

If you want to prolong how long you last in the bedroom, take your time and focus on making the experience enjoyable for one another. For example, if you take a break mid-intercourse for some sensual foreplay, you’ll prolong your orgasm while intensifying pleasurable sensations for you both. Touching and oral favors are great ways to boost your level of anticipation and take your intimacy to a whole new level.

If you’re already trying foreplay breaks and are looking for a little more help to last longer, there are also prolonging creams available that can help delay ejaculation. Many of these include a benzocaine base (a local anesthetic) that can slow down the level of arousal for a man, but still allow him to feel pleasurable sensations.

For a third option, you may want to try using a C-ring (constriction ring), which not only prolongs intercourse, but can also contains special features or "bullets" that are designed to please the female partner as well. Keep in mind that for maximum comfort while using a C-ring, you should always use an emollient lubricant, which is longer lasting than most water-based lubricants.

Even though wanting to last longer in the bedroom for the sake of time itself is a silly idea, wanting to improve the experience for yourself and your spouse is something we should all be trying to do. If you find that even with these pointers you still can’t keep your eyes off the clock, you might just want to cover it up to avoid any temptation.

Remember, being intimate with one another should never be a chore. These are the few moments out of your day when you can banish the stresses of the outside world and focus on each other, so make them count and don’t count them out!

Spring into a new relationship

Yesterday was a powerful day in nature: within a 24 hour period we had a super moon, new moon, full moon and the spring equinox!  Did you feel tons of great energy as you went about your day?

Since we are officially in spring I thought I would share some tips on spring cleaning for your love life! If you've noticed that things are as peppy as they used to be, or it's been months since you and your partner have gone out on a date or had a conversation that didn't involve, bills, kids, or  family, then it's time to kick those winter blues out of your relationship.

By doing just a few simple things, you can strengthen your relationship and bring you and your partner closer. 

1. Set up time to spend together - We more often than not, make plans to pick up the dry cleaning, go to the doctor, run errands, have lunch with girlfriends etc... But how often do we set up date night with our sweetie? Take this time to make plans over the next couple of months to go out on a date! Arrange for a babysitter and pick at least one night a month for you and your partner to be together.  You don't even have to go anywhere, stay at home and cook a nice dinner, play a game, have a converstation; but don't talk about bills, or the kids.  Talk about your dreams, current events, the arts....all that stuff you used to talk about

 2. Accept the repulsions you have towards your love - Once upon a time those repulsions caused you to fall in love with your partner, they weren't an annoyance  but a curiosity.  Have the courage to accept and get over all those little things that you may nag on.  Not everyone is perfect and accepting the "imperfections" in your partner will help blossom your relationship.  

3.Communicate - If there is something that has been bothering you that your partner did, tell them! Don't hold it in only to grow and fester and emerge as anger towards your partner.  Sit down and have a  mature conversation about what your partner did and how that made your feel.  Your partner might not have even realized they did something to upset you, but you communicating this to your partner will make them more aware so it won't happen again. 

4. Make out like you were in high school - Remember those long make out sessions with your boyfriend or girlfriend? It was so exciting sitting on the couch or even in the car kissing and rubbing each others bodies.  If the passion has taken the back burner, rekindle that spark with some heavy petting sessions with no expectations of sex. 

5. Accept your imperfections - Ask your partner if there is anything you can do to make their life better, or if there is something you do that annoys them.  They will appreciate your humility and honest evaluation of yourself.  Don't get upset at what your partner might tell you and be willing to change your habits.