Stress less for better sex

I found a great article on keeping your sex life active when stress is in control! 

If only there were a candlelit bubble bath and a cup of tea waiting for us after a long day of work. Unfortunately, it's more likely that we're welcomed home by a to-do list that includes paying bills, food shopping and house cleaning, among other things.


And let's face it, when you're lying awake at night worrying about juggling it all, the last thing you probably feel like doing is being intimate with your partner.

One of the first studies to look at the relationship between stress and sex found that there are three types of stress that can affect life in the bedroom:
• Internal stress: Conflicts and tensions between a couple
• External stress: Work, finances, kids and family issues
• Critical stress: Unemployment, death of a loved one, serious illness

But interestingly, researchers found that internal stress is the major reason why women experience low or diminished desire. This means that while trying relaxation techniques, like deep breathing, may help you feel less stressed overall, they won't be much help pumping up the passion.

Instead, you need to work on your relationship. Maybe you and your partner are trying to get pregnant. Suddenly, sex has turned into something on the to-do list instead of something on the want-to-do list. This can create tension between you two, which, in turn, further dampens your ardor. Or maybe your partner was laid off because of the recession. You're trying to be supportive, but your partner has totally shut down and you feel shut out.

While some relationship problems, such as cheating, physical or emotional abuse, and substance abuse require professional help, many can be remedied with some attitude readjustment.
Here are 10 suggestions for rediscovering the lovers you once were.

1. Make a list. Learn about yourself and what brings you sensual and sexual pleasure. Tell your partner exactly what you like in bed. For instance, if there's a move or position you really love but haven't tried in years, try it the next chance you get.
2. Make another list—for your partner. Include all the things that get you in the mood. It could be as simple as having your partner put the kids to bed and clean the kitchen after dinner so you can have some downtime or as complex as the both of you learning to communicate feelings so you can feel closer emotionally.
3. Learn to play. Other than a board game or a game of catch with your kids, when was the last time you played with your partner? Have the two of you ever played? Well, now is the time. Try a round of golf in which you get a kiss for every stroke. Or feed each other your favorite foods: try licking whipped cream off each other's bodies or substitute some other pleasurable treat.
   
   Read the rest here: http://www.sexandahealthieryou.org/sex-health/less-stress-better-sex.html
   

The Sexual Response Cycle

 The sexual response cycle describes what changes the body undergoes as it becomes aroused. It is an individualized process; everyone experiences the cycle differently, although almost all people go through a similar process. It is important to note that the cycle takes place during any sexual activity where a person becomes aroused—masturbation, intercourse, manual stimulation by a partner, oral sex, fantasy, and more.

Over the years, researchers have explored the sexual response cycles of men and women. There are two popular sexual response cycles: Masters and Johnson’s Four Phase Model and Kaplan’s Three Phase Model.

I will say that while most people go through some cycle of the below phases, I don't think one is right and the other wrong.  I also don't think that you can say everyone goes through these phases and if you don't then you have a dysfunction; which is what both of these models say.  I have issues with the term sexual dysfuntion, but that's a whole different blog post. 

Basically, this is kinda what your body is going through when you get aroused and I think it's important for people to understand both of these models. 

Masters and Johnson’s Four Phase Model
Masters and Johnson are perhaps the famous for their sexual response cycle, s tarting their research in 1958. They were under fire several times for "exaggerating the benefits of their intensive treatment program and with failing to disclose the criteria they used to determine whether the therapy had a lasting effect. (NYTimes." The Masters and Johnson Institute opened in 1978 and was located in St. Louis.  Opened to study human sexuality, focusing on anatomy and physiology of the humans sexual response cycle, the institute closed in 1994. The duo is famous for inserting small cameras into the vagina of prostitutes and filming what happens to the vagina when a woman has an orgasm.    

Excitement
The first of the phases, excitement can last anywhere from less than a minute to several hours. There is also an increase in heart rate and blood pressure. Typically, the sexual organs, including the clitoris, labia, and breasts, become engorged with blood (vasocongestion) and often become a deeper color. Lubrication is usually produced in the vagina during the excitement phase.

Plateau
The plateau phase is generally short in length (a few seconds to a few minutes) and the sexual tension that started in the excitement phase continues to grow. Extending the plateau phase sometimes can lead to more intense orgasms. Everything that occurred during the excitement phase continues to occur, but with more intensity—breathing becomes heavier, the sexual organs become a dark color, heart rate and blood pressure continue to rise, and muscle tension increases.

Orgasm
The orgasm phase is the shortest phase of the sexual response cycle, generally only lasting several seconds. Women do not always enter into the orgasm phase; sometimes they stay in the plateau phase. Most women experience rhythmic muscle contractions during the orgasm phase, which can occur in the genitals, as well as all over the body.

Resolution
The resolution phase is the final stage to the sexual response cycle. During the resolution phase, all sexual organs return to their non-aroused shape, size, and color. This change begins immediately after orgasm as long as there is no additional stimulation. The amount of time it takes for a person’s sexual organs to return to their non-aroused state varies between individuals.

Kaplan’s Three Phase Model
 Helen Singer Kaplan modified the Masters and Johnson sexual response cycle based on her work treating sexual dysfunction problems in men and women. Dr. Kaplan added a prior stage of sexual desire and eliminated the resolution and plateau phases.  (see Kaplan, Dr. Helen Singer). 

Desire
A unique stage to this model is the desire phase; most other sexual response cycles do not include this phase. In the desire phase, it is assumed that people want to engage in sexual activity; that they desire the activity and/or another person. Not all sexual activity is desired, though. For example, a couple trying to conceive a child may have sex even if they do not desire the activity.

Excitement
The first of the phases, excitement can last anywhere from less than a minute to several hours. Myotonia, which is categorized by increased muscle tension and flexing and contractions of the muscles, occurs during the excitement phase. There is also an increase in heart rate and blood pressure. Typically, the sexual organs become engorged with blood (vasocongestion), including the clitoris, labia, and breasts, and often become a deeper color. Lubrication is usually produced in the vagina during the excitement phase.

Orgasm
The orgasm phase is the shortest phase of the sexual response cycle, generally only lasting a few seconds. Most women experience rhythmic muscle contractions during the orgasm phase. It is not unusual for people to pass back and forth between phases or for people to miss a phase. Not everyone follows the sexual response cycle exactly as is shown here. It is also common for  people to experience the cycle differently each time they engage in sexual activity. The sexual response cycle simply serves as a model to help to understand the variety of sexual responses that people may experience.

Frustrated with your two minute man?

This past weekend at several of my customers asked questions about how their male partner can last longer in bed.  This is a common problem I hear about several times a week at my parties.  I thought I would post a great article from Patty Brisben, CEO & founder of Pure Romance with some tips on how to help your man last longer in  bed.  Enjoy!
 

It’s time for you to stop watching the clock and get back to what is real! But I do understand that for some, lasting longer in the bedroom is a concern. Time and time again I’ve heard from men who have said they wished they could last longer in the bedroom. To these questions, I’ve always given the same response: it’s not about duration, it’s about quality! In fact, I can think of nothing worse than if both parties are watching the clock like they’re out to set some kind of Olympic world record instead of focusing on what’s really important—sharing an intimate experience together.

If you want to prolong how long you last in the bedroom, take your time and focus on making the experience enjoyable for one another. For example, if you take a break mid-intercourse for some sensual foreplay, you’ll prolong your orgasm while intensifying pleasurable sensations for you both. Touching and oral favors are great ways to boost your level of anticipation and take your intimacy to a whole new level.

If you’re already trying foreplay breaks and are looking for a little more help to last longer, there are also prolonging creams available that can help delay ejaculation. Many of these include a benzocaine base (a local anesthetic) that can slow down the level of arousal for a man, but still allow him to feel pleasurable sensations.

For a third option, you may want to try using a C-ring (constriction ring), which not only prolongs intercourse, but can also contains special features or "bullets" that are designed to please the female partner as well. Keep in mind that for maximum comfort while using a C-ring, you should always use an emollient lubricant, which is longer lasting than most water-based lubricants.

Even though wanting to last longer in the bedroom for the sake of time itself is a silly idea, wanting to improve the experience for yourself and your spouse is something we should all be trying to do. If you find that even with these pointers you still can’t keep your eyes off the clock, you might just want to cover it up to avoid any temptation.

Remember, being intimate with one another should never be a chore. These are the few moments out of your day when you can banish the stresses of the outside world and focus on each other, so make them count and don’t count them out!

Someone sent me a link to a recent survey internet dating site, OKCupid published the other day.  They surveyed thousands of their members and found some pretty interesting correlations. 

For example, women who did not exercise had more difficulty achieving orgasm than women who do.This makes complete sense  because when you exercise if you have an increased blood flow, even when you are not moving.  Increased blood flow helps with clitoral sensitivity, increasing the woman's likeliness of climaxing.  I have also read, in academic journals that women who exercise have a higher self esteem than women who don't and are more open sexually.  They will masturbate more frequently, tell their partner what feels good, and provide self stimulation during intercourse. 

OK Cupid also determined that as women age, their preference for rough sex declines while as men age, their preference increases.  This is interesting and I'd like to know if this is true for men and women in general. 

Just for fun, they decided that vegetarians and carnivores both like to  give oral favors, although their graph shows vegetarian men prefer it over their meat eating peers.  So ladies, find out on the first date if he eats meat or not!

There are several charts on body types vs sex drive,  but I would take that information with a grain of salt.  Most women don't accurately describe their body type, most women will mark themselves as curvy, because that sounds sexy.

If you want to see the rest of the survey go here.

What do you think about their survey?

Spring into a new relationship

Yesterday was a powerful day in nature: within a 24 hour period we had a super moon, new moon, full moon and the spring equinox!  Did you feel tons of great energy as you went about your day?

Since we are officially in spring I thought I would share some tips on spring cleaning for your love life! If you've noticed that things are as peppy as they used to be, or it's been months since you and your partner have gone out on a date or had a conversation that didn't involve, bills, kids, or  family, then it's time to kick those winter blues out of your relationship.

By doing just a few simple things, you can strengthen your relationship and bring you and your partner closer. 

1. Set up time to spend together - We more often than not, make plans to pick up the dry cleaning, go to the doctor, run errands, have lunch with girlfriends etc... But how often do we set up date night with our sweetie? Take this time to make plans over the next couple of months to go out on a date! Arrange for a babysitter and pick at least one night a month for you and your partner to be together.  You don't even have to go anywhere, stay at home and cook a nice dinner, play a game, have a converstation; but don't talk about bills, or the kids.  Talk about your dreams, current events, the arts....all that stuff you used to talk about

 2. Accept the repulsions you have towards your love - Once upon a time those repulsions caused you to fall in love with your partner, they weren't an annoyance  but a curiosity.  Have the courage to accept and get over all those little things that you may nag on.  Not everyone is perfect and accepting the "imperfections" in your partner will help blossom your relationship.  

3.Communicate - If there is something that has been bothering you that your partner did, tell them! Don't hold it in only to grow and fester and emerge as anger towards your partner.  Sit down and have a  mature conversation about what your partner did and how that made your feel.  Your partner might not have even realized they did something to upset you, but you communicating this to your partner will make them more aware so it won't happen again. 

4. Make out like you were in high school - Remember those long make out sessions with your boyfriend or girlfriend? It was so exciting sitting on the couch or even in the car kissing and rubbing each others bodies.  If the passion has taken the back burner, rekindle that spark with some heavy petting sessions with no expectations of sex. 

5. Accept your imperfections - Ask your partner if there is anything you can do to make their life better, or if there is something you do that annoys them.  They will appreciate your humility and honest evaluation of yourself.  Don't get upset at what your partner might tell you and be willing to change your habits. 

Pheromones: Myth or Fact?

At my parties my  customers are always saying the funniest things about our products, giving me new stuff to say during my demo.  A comment made on Wednesday inspired today's posting about Pheromones. We have a product, Basic Instinct, that enhances ones pheromones, it smells different on everyone.  After putting it on one of the guests she exclaimed, "I smell like I drank a strawberry milkshake and threw up!"  Needless to say I cracked up laughing with other guests at the party.

So, what are pheromones?

Pheromones, or our sexual scent, can be defined as chemicals that have a biological or behavioral effect in  their own right, as opposed to scents that trigger responses because of a learned association, like when you salivate after smelling your favorite food. There are specific compounds within our body odors that can
potentially affect the physiology and behavior of others. Pheromones contain information about gender and the relatedness of individuals.

There are several types of pheromones produced by humans.  Many of you may have heard of the McClintock Effect, also known as menstrual synchrony or the dormitory effect, is a theory that proposes that the menstrual cycle of women who live together (such as in homes, dormitories, barracks, prison etc...) tend to become synchronized over time.  Psychologist Martha McClintock first studied and published her theory in the early 1970's and there has been debate since on how valid it is.

Most people are familar with pheromones as their "sex attractant".  Animals use pheromones to  find there mate and we humans do as well, and here you though it was your fabulous personality that attracted people to you. There are a complex numbers of factors that are involved in human sexual attraction, but it is obvious that our “sexual scent,” or our pheromones, play an important role. We, as humans, have a highly developed intellect and a rich compliment of emotions, ambitions, motivations and desires. Pheromones may affect our attitudes and nudge us towards a type of sexual behavior in concert with our higher intellect.

Some researchers found that male underarm extracts can affect the cycles of a specific reproductive hormone in women. Those extracts also affected the mood of women, making them calmer and more relaxed.  So the next time you are feeling stressed go smell a man's underarms.

What about the effects of female pheromones on men? In a 2001 study conducted by researchers at the University of Texas, men described the smell of a woman's T-shirt as more "sexy" or "pleasant" during the fertile stage of her menstrual cycle than the shirt of the same woman during her infertile stage (read more).

In 2005, 20/20 conducted their own study on pheromones.   They sent two sets of 20-something male and female twins to a speed-dating event and gave them each a scent, one twin in each set received pheromones, the other a placebo.  The twins did not know who had the real pheromones.

Each set went on 10 speed dates, each lasting five minutes. The daters then filled out forms stating which of the people they would like to see again. At the end of the night the results were in, nine men wanted to see the female twin wearing the pheromones compared to five who wanted to see the twin without pheromones.   As for the guys, 10 women were interested in the male twin wearing pheromones, six women were interested in the twin without pheromones (read more).

Another study published in the journal Physiology and Behavior, found 74% of women who wore their regular perfume with the added pheromone saw a significant increase in three or more of the following types of intimate behaviors with men:

• Frequency of kissing
• Heavy petting and affection
• Sexual intercourse
• Sleeping next to their partner
• Formal dates with men

Only 23% of women who had a placebo added to their perfume reported an increase in these factors. Researchers say those results show it was the pheromones that made the women more sexually attractive to men (read more).

So, how do you use pheromones in your daily routine? Pure Romance offers an extensive collection of products containing pheromones, which is the key to unlocking our “sexual scent.” These products react to your very own body chemistry and can enhance your mood – helping you feel more confident, sexy and daring. Pheromones can be used on a man or a woman and the smell varies just as much as our own sexual preference varies – meaning that no two person’s “sexual scents” are identical. You can use pheromones alone or with other perfumes, colognes, lotions or scented soaps to heighten your “scent.” By using pheromones you are getting down to our humanistic impulses – pure, natural attraction!

Ready to get some pheromones?  Browse Pure Romance's collection of pheromones products here.   If you have questions, feel free to comment or email and I'll answer them.

Have your own pheromone story? I would love to hear it!

Want to win a bottle of Basic Instinct? Leave a comment and follow me and be entered in a drawing to win a  bottle.  Winner will be announced January 31.  

Intimacy and Illness: Diabetes

I receive a lot of questions at  my parties from women who have medical conditions, seeking to improve their sexual health and intimacy with their partner.  Many of my customers have Diabetes and like most medical conditions, this affects sexual health.  I thought I would cover some information about Diabetes and how it relates to sexual health.  

What is diabetes?
Diabetes, also known as diabetes mellitus, is a disease caused when the body does not produce or properly use insulin, a hormone that converts sugar, starches, and other food into energy. As a result, sugar builds up in the bloodstream. There are many types of diabetes, but the most common are Type 1, Type 2, and gestational diabetes. With Type 1 diabetes, a person’s body does not produce any insulin. People with Type 2 diabetes produces insulin, but their cells have become resistant to it. Gestational diabetes occurs during pregnancy and usually disappears after the birth of the baby.

Who gets diabetes?
Type 1 diabetes usually affects people under 30 years of age, although it can occur at any time throughout a person’s life. Type 2 diabetes usually occurs after the age of 35, but can affect anyone at any time. Gestational diabetes occurs to some women during pregnancy. Type 2 diabetes is the most common form of diabetes; 95% of people who have diabetes are afflicted by Type 2.

What causes diabetes?
Type 1 diabetes is thought to be caused by genetics, an autoimmune disease, or environmental factors, although the origin is not fully understood (despite all of the research conducted). Type 2 diabetes is caused by lifestyle factors, such as diet, lack of exercise, and obesity. There may be a possible link between Type 2 diabetes and genetics.

How can diabetes affect my sexuality?
Diabetes can affect men and women differently, and in a number of ways, including:
WOMEN
• An increase in vaginal or urinary tract infections
• Decreased libido/sexual desire
• Decreased vaginal lubrication
• Difficulty reaching orgasm
• Decreased genital sensitivity
MEN
• Erectile dysfunctions, such as difficulty achieving or
maintaining an erection, or less rigid erections
• Decreased libido/sexual desire

How can I improve my sexuality?
The use of a water-based vaginal lubricant should be used during sexual activity to ensure pleasure, comfort, and safety. Increasing the amount of time spent during foreplay can raise arousal and increase vaginal lubrication. Stuck on what to do during foreplay? Then spice things up with some games; they are great to give you new ideas for actions, positions, as well as open up the lines of communication with your partner.

If you are experiencing difficulty reaching orgasm, try clitoral stimulation. It might also be necessary to reexamine your definition of sexuality and intimacy. Experimenting with new stimulations and pleasures may be needed—things that may have been pleasurable for you before may no longer elicit the same response. Certain medications can help improve sexuality if affected by diabetes. Talk to your health care provider who can create a treatment plan that is specialized for you and your sexuality issues.

What products does Pure Romance offer to help improve my sexuality?
If you find that you have a decreased libido or have a more difficult time reaching orgasm than before, you may want to try an arousal cream, such as Ex-T-Cee, Nympho Niagra, or X-Scream (X-Scream can be used by both men and women). It is also important to use a water-based vaginal lubricant each time you engage in sexual activity, which can help with vaginal dryness. Try Just Like Me or Sweet Seduction, which are both gentle and non-irritating. If you find that a water-based lubricant is not enough to help with vaginal dryness, try a vaginal moisturizer, such as Fresh Start, which is estrogen-free and very gentle.

For men experiencing difficulties with erectile dysfunction, a c-ring, such as Jelly Tool Belt, can be worn during intercourse and will help men acquire and maintain an erection. (It is highly recommended to use a thick, creamy lubricant, such as Whipped, when using a c-ring.

If you have questions about Diabetes and your sexual health or any other sexual health concerns please email them to me and I'll be happy to answer. 

Training, Cutting, and Mad Men oh my!

I have been absent the past week as I have been swamped with Pure Romance events.  Last Thursday we had an Evening of Opportunity in Cincinnati which was amazing! I had 6 girls on my team attend with guests and one of my guests decided to invest in her business and become a consultant.  We released new product at the event, including a shower step & handle.  I am really excited about these two new products and already have loads of ideas on how to promote them to my customers. 

Saturday it was off to Columbus, OH for the first training of the year.  Columbus is 4 hours from me so I had to get up at 3 a.m. to drive up; I stupidly scheduled a party for the night before and didn't want to reschedule on my hostess.  Needless to say I was exhausted, but as usual the training was great! I left with a new coaching partner to help me stay on track with my business goals for the year and tons of ideas on how to lead my team. 

In other news, I have gotten addicted to the TV series Mad Men; apparently I live in a bubble and just recently found out about the show and I love it! It's inspired me to make a slew of Joanie dresses and try to figure out how to style my hair like hers since I don't have a personal stylist to do it for me.  I wanted to start watching Mad Men from the beginning so I've been renting the seasons and in about  1 1/2 weeks I've gone through the first 2 season and started on season 3 today (I told you, I was addicted). 

In an effort to justify all this time I've been spending in from of the tube, I've decided to work on some quilts.  I have several friends having babies this year and would love to make a quilt for them.  Two years ago I decided to make quilts so I've been stocking up on old sheets and fabrics I thought would go great in a quilt.  

As you can see, it's quite a stash and I've been cutting squares out of all of this fabric.  I never thought about how tedious cutting squares would be, but I have found that I can only do it for about 20 minutes then I am totally bored and ready to move on. 

Here's what I've cut out so far and I have barely made a dent in my pile. 

My  goal is to have all of this cut by the end of the week and to have finished the dress I've started on.  Not that much of an ambitious challenge.  I promise to write more often. 

Lost the spark?

So I am pretty excited to actually be writing this as it has taken a year for me to design my new blog, yes I procrastinate a lot, but I'm sure you'll hear more about that in the days to come.   For five years I have been  helping women with their relationships.  A lot of times, women ask me questions they don't feel comfortable asking their doctors, which makes me feel honored that they put that much trust in my opinion.  One of the most common questions I get is how to get the spark back.  Many couples face a decrease in intimacy after being together for several years, or with the introduction of a baby, medical conditions, or job related stress.  This can often cause more problems out of the bedroom between the couple which could lead to a separation.  Often around the holidays many couples find they are too tired or stressed to spend time together. So I have some tips on how to get that spark back during and after the holiday season.  


1. Go back to the little things you did in the first couple years (or months) of your relationship.  Hold hands, give compliments, write surprise notes; act like a teenager in love and you'll find that you will be closer to your partner.  Make a promise to yourself to  change any negative actions you may subconsciously (or consciously) make and you'll find your positive actions will rub off on your sweetie!

2. Get active! Exercise releases endorphins that make you feel giddy, healthier and sexier—so go ice skating, take a long walk in a park, or hit the gym together. Not only will both of you become healthier with more exercise, you'll have more self confidence to get closer to your partner and self confidence is the biggest turn on!
 3. Schedule date night at least once a month. Yes, I know that does not sound romantic,,  but think about this: we schedule everything else in our lives, doctor appointments, meetings, dry cleaning, why not date night.  I'm not saying you and your partner agree to have sex on date night, but agree to have a baby sitter and do something fun.  Cook dinner together, give each other massages, go sledding then drink hot cocoa afterwards.  Your date nights are meant for the two of you to concentrate on each other and to bring back that intimacy. 

4. Take time to sit down each day and have a conversation.  Don't talk about the kids, bills, or obnoxious Aunt Shirley. Talk about world events, hobbies or something positive that happened to you that day.  You might learn something new about your partner and you will continue to not only grow your relationship but stay true to your individuality.