Coming back from MIA

I have been MIA this month because I have been out of town for most of it and have completely neglected my blog.  But I am back and have lost of stuff to share!

Most recently I returned from  Pure Romance National Training last weekend in Cincinnati.  Every August several thousand consultants gather to learn how to improve their business and get motivated to rock out for the end of the year. 

I love training because it always gets the girls on my team motivated and helps them in ways that I never could.  It also means I get to see my close friends and network with brilliant business women. We also release lots of new products and this month we released over 30!!!!

Training always ends with the new consultants attending a seminar from Brian Brio.  If you haven't heard Brian talk, you are missing out.  He is absolutely amazing and can make your laugh and cry at the same time. When he comes to talk to us he talks about breaking through what is holding you back in life; whether it be mental or physical. He leads you through this inspriational, motivaltional, emotional seminar and at the end hands you a one inch board that you have to break in half.

Of course almost everyone doubts their ability to break through this board, but in  the end everyone does it.  Picture 2,000 in a room, in 100 different circles, cheering on 1,000 women in breaking their boards.   Everyone is clapping, yelling names, crying, and "Highway to the Danger Zone" is blasting on high.  You can't help but get emotional. 

As a Pure Romance Board of Directors, I get to hold the boards for the new consultants as they break it and it is such an honor.  I love holding the board for my new team members and seeing the look of shock, relief, and joy when their hand goes soaring through the boards: they realize they are unstoppable. It's hard not to get emotional when you watch someone go through several emotions first starting with fear and ending with joy as they break a piece of wood.

Here are some pictures of the board breaking experience.  Can't wait to do it again next year!!!

 

Stress less for better sex

I found a great article on keeping your sex life active when stress is in control! 

If only there were a candlelit bubble bath and a cup of tea waiting for us after a long day of work. Unfortunately, it's more likely that we're welcomed home by a to-do list that includes paying bills, food shopping and house cleaning, among other things.


And let's face it, when you're lying awake at night worrying about juggling it all, the last thing you probably feel like doing is being intimate with your partner.

One of the first studies to look at the relationship between stress and sex found that there are three types of stress that can affect life in the bedroom:
• Internal stress: Conflicts and tensions between a couple
• External stress: Work, finances, kids and family issues
• Critical stress: Unemployment, death of a loved one, serious illness

But interestingly, researchers found that internal stress is the major reason why women experience low or diminished desire. This means that while trying relaxation techniques, like deep breathing, may help you feel less stressed overall, they won't be much help pumping up the passion.

Instead, you need to work on your relationship. Maybe you and your partner are trying to get pregnant. Suddenly, sex has turned into something on the to-do list instead of something on the want-to-do list. This can create tension between you two, which, in turn, further dampens your ardor. Or maybe your partner was laid off because of the recession. You're trying to be supportive, but your partner has totally shut down and you feel shut out.

While some relationship problems, such as cheating, physical or emotional abuse, and substance abuse require professional help, many can be remedied with some attitude readjustment.
Here are 10 suggestions for rediscovering the lovers you once were.

1. Make a list. Learn about yourself and what brings you sensual and sexual pleasure. Tell your partner exactly what you like in bed. For instance, if there's a move or position you really love but haven't tried in years, try it the next chance you get.
2. Make another list—for your partner. Include all the things that get you in the mood. It could be as simple as having your partner put the kids to bed and clean the kitchen after dinner so you can have some downtime or as complex as the both of you learning to communicate feelings so you can feel closer emotionally.
3. Learn to play. Other than a board game or a game of catch with your kids, when was the last time you played with your partner? Have the two of you ever played? Well, now is the time. Try a round of golf in which you get a kiss for every stroke. Or feed each other your favorite foods: try licking whipped cream off each other's bodies or substitute some other pleasurable treat.
   
   Read the rest here: http://www.sexandahealthieryou.org/sex-health/less-stress-better-sex.html
   

The Sexual Response Cycle

 The sexual response cycle describes what changes the body undergoes as it becomes aroused. It is an individualized process; everyone experiences the cycle differently, although almost all people go through a similar process. It is important to note that the cycle takes place during any sexual activity where a person becomes aroused—masturbation, intercourse, manual stimulation by a partner, oral sex, fantasy, and more.

Over the years, researchers have explored the sexual response cycles of men and women. There are two popular sexual response cycles: Masters and Johnson’s Four Phase Model and Kaplan’s Three Phase Model.

I will say that while most people go through some cycle of the below phases, I don't think one is right and the other wrong.  I also don't think that you can say everyone goes through these phases and if you don't then you have a dysfunction; which is what both of these models say.  I have issues with the term sexual dysfuntion, but that's a whole different blog post. 

Basically, this is kinda what your body is going through when you get aroused and I think it's important for people to understand both of these models. 

Masters and Johnson’s Four Phase Model
Masters and Johnson are perhaps the famous for their sexual response cycle, s tarting their research in 1958. They were under fire several times for "exaggerating the benefits of their intensive treatment program and with failing to disclose the criteria they used to determine whether the therapy had a lasting effect. (NYTimes." The Masters and Johnson Institute opened in 1978 and was located in St. Louis.  Opened to study human sexuality, focusing on anatomy and physiology of the humans sexual response cycle, the institute closed in 1994. The duo is famous for inserting small cameras into the vagina of prostitutes and filming what happens to the vagina when a woman has an orgasm.    

Excitement
The first of the phases, excitement can last anywhere from less than a minute to several hours. There is also an increase in heart rate and blood pressure. Typically, the sexual organs, including the clitoris, labia, and breasts, become engorged with blood (vasocongestion) and often become a deeper color. Lubrication is usually produced in the vagina during the excitement phase.

Plateau
The plateau phase is generally short in length (a few seconds to a few minutes) and the sexual tension that started in the excitement phase continues to grow. Extending the plateau phase sometimes can lead to more intense orgasms. Everything that occurred during the excitement phase continues to occur, but with more intensity—breathing becomes heavier, the sexual organs become a dark color, heart rate and blood pressure continue to rise, and muscle tension increases.

Orgasm
The orgasm phase is the shortest phase of the sexual response cycle, generally only lasting several seconds. Women do not always enter into the orgasm phase; sometimes they stay in the plateau phase. Most women experience rhythmic muscle contractions during the orgasm phase, which can occur in the genitals, as well as all over the body.

Resolution
The resolution phase is the final stage to the sexual response cycle. During the resolution phase, all sexual organs return to their non-aroused shape, size, and color. This change begins immediately after orgasm as long as there is no additional stimulation. The amount of time it takes for a person’s sexual organs to return to their non-aroused state varies between individuals.

Kaplan’s Three Phase Model
 Helen Singer Kaplan modified the Masters and Johnson sexual response cycle based on her work treating sexual dysfunction problems in men and women. Dr. Kaplan added a prior stage of sexual desire and eliminated the resolution and plateau phases.  (see Kaplan, Dr. Helen Singer). 

Desire
A unique stage to this model is the desire phase; most other sexual response cycles do not include this phase. In the desire phase, it is assumed that people want to engage in sexual activity; that they desire the activity and/or another person. Not all sexual activity is desired, though. For example, a couple trying to conceive a child may have sex even if they do not desire the activity.

Excitement
The first of the phases, excitement can last anywhere from less than a minute to several hours. Myotonia, which is categorized by increased muscle tension and flexing and contractions of the muscles, occurs during the excitement phase. There is also an increase in heart rate and blood pressure. Typically, the sexual organs become engorged with blood (vasocongestion), including the clitoris, labia, and breasts, and often become a deeper color. Lubrication is usually produced in the vagina during the excitement phase.

Orgasm
The orgasm phase is the shortest phase of the sexual response cycle, generally only lasting a few seconds. Most women experience rhythmic muscle contractions during the orgasm phase. It is not unusual for people to pass back and forth between phases or for people to miss a phase. Not everyone follows the sexual response cycle exactly as is shown here. It is also common for  people to experience the cycle differently each time they engage in sexual activity. The sexual response cycle simply serves as a model to help to understand the variety of sexual responses that people may experience.

Lost the spark?

So I am pretty excited to actually be writing this as it has taken a year for me to design my new blog, yes I procrastinate a lot, but I'm sure you'll hear more about that in the days to come.   For five years I have been  helping women with their relationships.  A lot of times, women ask me questions they don't feel comfortable asking their doctors, which makes me feel honored that they put that much trust in my opinion.  One of the most common questions I get is how to get the spark back.  Many couples face a decrease in intimacy after being together for several years, or with the introduction of a baby, medical conditions, or job related stress.  This can often cause more problems out of the bedroom between the couple which could lead to a separation.  Often around the holidays many couples find they are too tired or stressed to spend time together. So I have some tips on how to get that spark back during and after the holiday season.  


1. Go back to the little things you did in the first couple years (or months) of your relationship.  Hold hands, give compliments, write surprise notes; act like a teenager in love and you'll find that you will be closer to your partner.  Make a promise to yourself to  change any negative actions you may subconsciously (or consciously) make and you'll find your positive actions will rub off on your sweetie!

2. Get active! Exercise releases endorphins that make you feel giddy, healthier and sexier—so go ice skating, take a long walk in a park, or hit the gym together. Not only will both of you become healthier with more exercise, you'll have more self confidence to get closer to your partner and self confidence is the biggest turn on!
 3. Schedule date night at least once a month. Yes, I know that does not sound romantic,,  but think about this: we schedule everything else in our lives, doctor appointments, meetings, dry cleaning, why not date night.  I'm not saying you and your partner agree to have sex on date night, but agree to have a baby sitter and do something fun.  Cook dinner together, give each other massages, go sledding then drink hot cocoa afterwards.  Your date nights are meant for the two of you to concentrate on each other and to bring back that intimacy. 

4. Take time to sit down each day and have a conversation.  Don't talk about the kids, bills, or obnoxious Aunt Shirley. Talk about world events, hobbies or something positive that happened to you that day.  You might learn something new about your partner and you will continue to not only grow your relationship but stay true to your individuality.